


The Limp

by CakeLoverForLife



Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:08:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26925640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CakeLoverForLife/pseuds/CakeLoverForLife
Summary: She was wearing flats.  Nadine never wore flats.
Relationships: Blake Moran/Nadine Tolliver
Comments: 26
Kudos: 22





	1. Blake

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a random idea I had at 1 A.M, so we're going with it! I appreciate all feedback you can give, and I promise more is coming (as long as I'm not told that this sucks and I should trash it...)! Also yes, I'm aware that this is really short right now. The next chapter will be way longer!
> 
> I do not own Madam Secretary or any of its characters.

Blake noticed the limp first. He was trailing the other members of the inner circle from one meeting to another, and saw that Nadine seemed to be struggling to be keeping up. He then noticed that she was favoring one foot over the other, and dipped down every time she put weight on her right ankle. Hey, nobody could say he wasn’t observant! He didn’t think anything of it.

The next day, Blake was perplexed as to why the height difference between Nadine and the Secretary had grown by at least three inches. His question was answered when he looked down, and saw that Nadine was wearing flats. Nadine never wore flats; she hated how short she was, and would wear heels unless the situation was, well, dire. He wondered if the Secretary had noticed. If she had, she hadn’t said anything, and he let it go.

Days passed without incident, until the day he walked into Nadine’s office, only to find her on the floor, struggling to get up. 

“Nadine?” he had asked, concerned and more than a little bit shocked.

Nadine startled as he spoke. Clearly, she hadn’t noticed him come in. “Blake, what are you doing here?” she asked, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

“I had some files to drop off… are you okay?” he walked towards her as she continued to struggle.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she assured him, though not convincingly.

“You’re sitting on your office floor, and seem to be unable to get up. Unless the definition of ‘fine’ has changed in the last ten seconds, I would have to disagree and say that you are not ‘fine’.” Without saying another word, or waiting for a response, he wrapped his arms around her and helped her to her feet.

Even as he began to let go of her, her ankle began to give out once more, and he helped her to the comfy chair in her office. Her expression was a combination of pain, gratefulness, and embarrassment. Blake made his assessment.

“I’m letting the Secretary know what happened,” he said promptly, turning to leave.

“No, you are not,” she countered. 

“Excuse me? I just found you stuck on your office floor. Yes, I am telling the Secretary!” He ran out of the room before Nadine could protest further, and she settled back into the chair, realizing that trying to make it to her desk may not be the wisest idea at that point. A slight turn of her ankle made pain shoot up her leg, and she let out a small groan.  _ Why the heck was this bothering her now? _


	2. The Spin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1985 flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so people know, I have no idea where this is going. I mean, I have some idea, but nothing is concrete. By the way, italics are used to show Nadine's train of thought.

December 17, 1985

Nadine rushed through the door, curls bouncing on her back, and into the studio. Well, not really a studio… more like a small, second-floor room that her dance troupe had been able to afford to practice in. She shivered in the drafty air; the old building had barely any heating, and the room was much colder than anything she was used to.  _ Only three more weeks in Russia _ , she reminded herself.  _ Then we can go back to the US, and the actual studio _ .

“Sorry I’m late!” Nadine called out as she ran into the main room, pulling her curls into a high ponytail. Not that she was going to tell them  _ why _ she was late. The sour taste of bile still hung in her mouth, a reminder that she really couldn’t do this much longer.

“Good grief, Nadine, you look like death on toast!” Angie, her best friend, walked over. The bright studio lights reflected off Angie’s blond locks, blinding Nadine for a moment. “Are you alright?”  _ Crap, of course I can’t hide this from Angie. She already knows, for pity’s sake! _

“I’m fine, I’m fine! Just wasn’t feeling all too well this morning,” Nadine fibbed, and Angie gave her a judgmental look. Nadine didn’t have time to dwell on the look, though. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Charlie approaching, and she waved Angie off. Angie took the hint, and went back to whatever she was doing.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Nadine?” Charlie looked concerned. “You look awfully pale.” He put his arm around her, helped her out of her jacket, and looked deeply into her eyes.

Nadine shrugged him off, sighing. She would have to tell him eventually, but she was scared to. He was such a good friend!  _ More than a friend, actually, but that is a different problem for a different day. No, actually, it has quite a bit to do with today’s problem. _

“I’m fine, Charlie. Okay, what are we working on today?” she asked, anxious to change the subject.

“Nadine, there you are!” Clarence strode in, interrupting the conversation. At 6’2”, he was kind of hard to miss. He was definitely built for his career, muscles nearly causing his sleeves to burst at the seams. Actually, that had happened once, so he had taken to wearing sleeveless tops for practices. Clarence didn’t usually participate in the majority of the dances. He was the leader of the troupe, and would come on stage to lift the dancers for some of the more experimental pieces. He was also rather helpful when it came to moving set pieces around, and his examples of new dance moves were, well, questionable. “Okay, we need to get started, people!”

The eight dancers all scurried to the center of the room, waiting for instructions from Clarence.

“You guys did pretty well last night! The audience seemed to love it, at least. Now, Angie, about that trip in the middle of the show…” Clarence paused, and Angie turned a bright shade of red. During the third number the previous night, she had tripped over her skirt, sending her tumbling to the ground. Nadine, who had been right behind her, managed to catch her friend, and there were no major repercussions, but it had been an incident all the same. “...let’s try to stay on our feet next time. Nadine, good job on catching her.”

Nadine nodded, and Clarence continued. “We only have three more weeks in Russia, and then we go on break for the winter.”

“Doesn’t this already count as winter?!” someone called out.

Clarence laughed. “Perhaps, but it only gets colder from here! Anyway, how would the ladies feel about adding a fourth spin to the opening of ‘Potter’s Wheel’? I think it would add a bit more...pizzazz to the number.”

Angie shot Nadine a glance. Nadine had barely kept her dinner after the three-spin sequence the night before. Adding a fourth spin?  _ Only three more weeks, Nadine _ .

The dancers got to work, and, having finished stretching, began re-working the most complicated number in their repertoire. On only the second run-through with the extra spin, Nadine found herself running for a trash can that was kept in the corner of the room.

“Nadine?” Charlie and Angie ran towards her, followed closely by Clarence.

“Nadine, you okay?” Angie ran her fingers through Nadine’s ponytail as Nadine continued to vomit.

“I’m...I’m…” Another round of vomiting interrupted Nadine’s words.

“I’m gonna tell them,” Angie whispered into Nadine’s ear, who vaguely nodded as she tried to calm her heaving stomach.

“She’s pregnant,” Angie stated, looking up at the shocked faces of Charlie and Clarence. Nadine threw up once more, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“You’re what?!” Charlie demanded, looking down at the woman in question.

Nadine took a deep breath, finally getting her stomach under control. Her tear ducts were a different matter, but she spoke anyway. “I’m… pregnant. Um… that’s why I was so late this morning,” she looked towards Clarence, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with Charlie.  _ Charlie’s going to kill me _ .

“And you’re just telling me now?” Charlie sounded absolutely furious. That was what she had been afraid of. There was really only one possibility as to who the father of the baby could be.  _ Why can’t the earth just swallow me whole at this point? _

“I’m… I’m sorry, Charlie. I was going to tell you, but…” she trailed off.

“How far along are you?” Clarence asked, much kinder than Charlie.

“A few months, I think? I… I haven’t been to a doctor,” Nadine paused for a moment. “I can still perform for the rest of this season, Clarence.”

“I don’t doubt it, though I’m thinking we may go back to the three spins, if you can’t handle the four.” Clarence gave her a warm smile. “Congratulations!” He turned to walk away, but paused as he saw the look on Charlie’s face. “Say, Charlie, how about we go find a good coffee place while we wait for Nadine to get cleaned up?” he suggested, hoping to relieve some of the tension that hung over Charlie and Nadine.  _ Of course he knows who the father is… _ Nadine thought as she looked at the two men.

“No…” Charlie said slowly.

“Charlie,” Clarence warned.

“No, I’m not leaving. She is,” he pronounced, pointing at Nadine.

“What?” Both Angie and Clarence turned to him, shocked. Nadine remained on the ground, trying to process what was happening.

“I want her out!” he yelled. “She has no business being in a dance troupe! She has no business being here at all!”

“Charlie!” Another man in the troupe pulled Charlie away from Nadine, Angie, and Clarence. Charlie was still ranting and raving, and Nadine had begun to softly sob.

“Nadine, we aren’t kicking you out,” Clarence decisively reassured her. She leaned on Angie, who put her arms around her friend. 

“Shhh, it’s okay, Nadine,” she said as she stroked Nadine’s back. Clarence stood up, and ushered the rest of the troupe to the outer office, leaving just Nadine and Angie in the main room. “Do you want to come to my hotel room for the rest of the day? I mean, we can’t drink, but there’s probably some bad Russian soap opera we can find on the TV if we look hard enough…”

“Angie, we’re in a Communist country. I don’t think they even make soap operas! But yeah, some company would be nice…” Nadine let Angie help her off the floor. Pulling her hair out of its ponytail, she grabbed her jacket and practice bag, and was escorted out of the room by a winter-prepared Angie.

She kept her head down as they went through the outer office, only making eye contact once with a very angry Charlie.  _ I don’t even know what I hoped for. He never wanted kids, just wanted to keep doing this the rest of his life. Of course he’s angry _ .

They stepped through the door and onto the outdoor staircase, Nadine following Angie. She had to stop and take a breath on the top landing, the thought of the stairs, which lacked a railing, making her stomach churn.  _ Okay, this is stupid. They’re just stairs _ . She knew in the back of her mind that she hadn’t shut the door, but was more preoccupied with the thought of going down the flight of non-railed stairs.

Nadine watched as Angie turned, halfway down the stairs, to see where Nadine had gone. “Well, you com…” she ended abruptly, her eyes going wide. Confused, Nadine began to turn around, but suddenly there was a pair of hands on her back. Yelling from inside filled Nadine’s ears, and, as Angie screamed, she felt herself being pushed off the top landing, and hurtling towards the cement below.


	3. Waterlogged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is more background on what happened in 1985. I was going to do the whole chapter in present day, but figured that might be a little cruel after the ending of Chapter 2, so this is what I came up with! Enjoy!
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated!

“Nadine?” Her boss’s voice drew her out of whatever kind of trance she had been in.

“Ma’am, I am so sorry. I told Blake not to get you, but…”

Elizabeth cut her off. “I’m going to stop you right there. I’m not mad at you, just worried. Blake said you were on the floor?”

“Um… unfortunately, yes. But I’m fine, ma’am.”

“Should I even ask what happened?” The secretary sounded concerned, and rightfully so, but Nadine really did not want to make a big deal out of what had transpired.

“Old dance injury, ma’am. I hurt my ankle almost thirty years ago, and now it’s come back to bite me.” Nadine rolled her eyes.  _ Why can’t my ankle just work the way it’s supposed to? _

“Has this happened before?”

“Only a couple of times. Usually, I just ice it at night, and after a while, the pain goes away.”  _ Too bad that strategy didn’t work for her chronic head and backaches… _

“Have you ever been to a doctor for the pain?”

“Not since I wrecked it.” Elizabeth’s eyebrows shot up, and Nadine paused for a second. “Long story, ma’am. Anyway, I am always too busy to worry about it.”

“Well then, you are going to a doctor,” the Secretary declared.

“That is really not necessary, ma’am,” Nadine protested.

“I think it is. I’ll help you pack up your stuff, and someone is driving you to the hospital, Nadine.” The Secretary’s voice was determined, but Nadine was also stubborn. And desperate. That may have explained why her next plea sounded just like what it was: a plea.

“Please don’t make me go, ma’am.” Nadine’s voice was quiet.  _ Well, there goes any hope I have of hiding this from her. _

The Secretary looked down at her, even more concerned than before, if that was possible. “What happened, Nadine?”

* * *

December 18, 1985

“Miss Tolliver? Miss Tolliver, can you hear me?” Nadine could hear the woman’s voice, though it sounded muffled, as if she were underwater. 

“Miss Tolliver, if you can hear me, I need you to try opening your eyes.” Now that was going to be difficult. Her eyelids felt about as heavy as lead, and it took Nadine a good thirty seconds to muster enough strength to open her left eye.

All she could see was bright white. White walls, white ceiling, white everything. Managing to open her other eye, she took in the room, in all of its sterile glory. She tried to turn her head to see more of the room, but realized that she couldn’t. Reaching up with her hand, she felt a neck brace that restricted her movement. Her eyes met the eyes of the nurse… well, she assumed they were a nurse and that she was in a hospital.

“Miss Tolliver, do you know where you are?” the nurse asked.

“Um… I’m not sure…” Nadine managed to screech out, her throat sore and beyond dry.

“I’ll get you some water in a minute. You are in the hospital, here in Moscow. Do you remember what happened?”  _ If I’m in Moscow, how is the nurse speaking English?  _ It was almost as if the nurse had read her mind, and added, “We are an international facility, hence the English.” The nurse smiled, then went to the sink to pour some water into a cup, adding a straw to the cup before helping Nadine take a couple of sips.

“I… I remember being pushed. My, well, my ex-boyfriend, I guess, was angry because… oh, gracious. My baby? Is my baby okay?”

“We did an ultrasound a few hours ago. Your little one is fine as can be. They are pretty lucky, as are you,” the nurse responded. “You took quite the fall.”

“What… what happened?” Nadine was suddenly aware of how exhausted she was, but was also aware of how much pain she was in.

“You hit the cement on your right side. You crushed your ankle, have a few broken ribs, and hit your head pretty hard. I wouldn’t be surprised if you remember nothing after that. You were knocked out cold. One of your friends called 112.”

“112?”

“The Russian equivalent to 911. Anyway, a couple of your friends are in the waiting room, if you’re up for company.”

“I… I’d like that,” Nadine responded, and the nurse left to go fetch her friends. Pain was coursing through her leg, up through her back, and she had a headache that would make someone with a much better pain tolerance want to curl up in a ball. Unfortunately, she didn’t have that option, and instead smiled as Angie and Clarence walked into the room.

“Hey, how are you?” Angie walked up to the bed, running her hand through Nadine’s jet-black hair.

“I’ve been better,” Nadine laughed, then groaned.  _ Okay, maybe laughing isn’t the best idea _ . She studied the worried looks on her friend’s faces. “Guys, I’m alive. I’ll be fine.” She looked towards Clarence. “Clarence, what’s wrong?”

“I’ve never heard so much as a harsh word between the people in my dance troupe. No fights. No arguments. The fact that one of my dancers did… well, did this… it just…” Clarence broke into tears. Nadine, with way more effort than she deemed reasonable, raised her hand and placed it on Clarence’s arm.

“Clarence, this is in no way your fault. Mine, yes, but not yours,” she reassured him.

“How on earth is this your fault?” Angie demanded. “Charlie, well, Charlie’s the one who pushed…”

“I’m pregnant with Charlie’s baby. He had every right to be angry.”

“Okay, A: he has no reason to be mad. It’s just as much his fault as it is yours, if I understand anatomy correctly. And B: a baby is a good thing! They are cute, and cuddly, and loving, and non-judgmental. Oh, and C: even if he is mad, anger is no justification for assault, or worse.” Angie’s voice broke, and she burst into tears. 

“Okay, can we all remember that nobody but me has an excuse to be crying, and do you see me with tears in my eyes?”

“Nadine, I think the world could burn down, and you wouldn’t shed a tear!” Clarence laughed through his own tears.

Nadine allowed herself a small smile, but her thoughts were elsewhere.  _ Charlie tried to kill me. Charlie actually tried to kill me because I’m having his baby _ . She could feel tears building behind her eyes, but she blinked them away quickly, hoping neither of the others noticed. They didn’t,  _ thank goodness _ , too busy wiping away their own tears.

“Okay, so I feel like I was run over by a truck, so I’m going to rest. Will I… will I see you guys in the morning?” she tentatively asked.

“Yeah, we’ll be in town until you’re out of the hospital,” Clarence responded.

“I’m not going to be in the hospital for three weeks, Clarence. Don’t you guys have shows? I mean, obviously you’re down a performer, but…”

“Nadine, I’m down two performers. It’s kind of hard to re-block thirteen numbers without two dancers.”

“Two?”

“Charlie was arrested yesterday morning.”

“Why?” Nadine inquired, then realized the stupidity of the question. “Oh, right…”

“Well,” Angie broke the silence that followed, “we’re going to let you rest. Aren’t we, Clarence?”

“Oh yeah, yeah… right. Get better quick, Nadine,” he said as he walked out the sliding door. Angie hung back.

“You going to be okay, Nadine?” she asked softly.

“I… I think so…” she uncharacteristically stammered out.

“You sure? ‘Cause I can stay the night if you want me to,” Angie offered. Oh, how Nadine wanted to take her up on that offer. The thought of being alone was, well, terrifying. But Nadine knew better. Logic always had to win over emotion.

“I’ll be alright. Come back tomorrow?”

“You won’t be able to keep me away!”

Nadine watched Angie leave the room, grabbing Clarence and escorting him down the hall. The silence was deafening. She had shared a hotel room with two other girls; it was never quiet. Rehearsals were busy and chaotic, and the same could be said about the shows. The last time Nadine had truly experienced silence had to have been years into the past. 

Not that it was completely quiet. There was still the rhythmic beep of the heart monitor, the motorized hum of some machine near her head, and the sounds of voices and footsteps passing her door. At one point, the nurse popped her head in, asking if Nadine wanted the light off. Nadine had said yes, and was enveloped by darkness. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep.


	4. Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth and Daisy try to convince Nadine to get her ankle checked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm aware how short this chapter is...sorry! I still have a few flashbacks to write, along with a lot of fun State Department staff moments. This is basically just getting you from Point A to Point B, so it's defiantly not my best writing... I also have a bunch of stuff I need to get done before the weekend's over, so I didn't have a ton of time to write.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated!

“Nadine, if you’re in this much pain, you’re not really even an asset to me here in the office. And I need you here. So go, get this checked out, and see if there’s anything a doctor can do for you. Okay?” The Secretary had made up her mind.  _ I stand no chance against the determination of Elizabeth McCord _ .

“I’m not sure that’s…” Nadine started to say, but was interrupted by someone running through her door.

“Nadine, are you alright?” Daisy inquired, completely out of breath. “Blake said you had fallen on the floor, and then M Sec wasn’t in her office, and I wondered if she would be here with you, but… Oh, sorry ma’am. I guess I didn’t see you.”

“It’s fine, Daisy,” the Secretary reassured the frazzled press coordinator. “Would you help me convince a certain stubborn woman that she should get her ankle checked out by a doctor?”

“Nadine, you haven’t been to a doctor? You’ve been limping all week!” Surprise filled Daisy’s voice.  _ Crap, the limp was obvious? _

“I’ve dealt with this for thirty years, and I haven’t needed a doctor. So if you guys would drop it, I really do have work to do…” Nadine was cut off once more.

“Nadine, you are going to go to the hospital, or I will drive you there myself!” Secretary McCord declared.

“Ma’am, you are literally not allowed to drive.”

“Okay, I will personally escort you, and my security will drive!” she corrected. “Details, details!”

“That is really not necessary, ma’am,” Nadine tried, one last time.

“This is non-negotiable, Nadine. You either go willingly, or I drag you there.”

Nadine sighed. “Fine, I’ll go.” The Secretary grinned, and Daisy even smiled a bit.

“I’ll come with,” Daisy offered.

“You really don’t have to,” Nadine shook her head. 

“Nadine, you can barely walk. And besides, it’s basically like taking a much better version of my mom to the hospital.” Daisy insisted, dodging Nadine’s pointed glare at the ‘mom’ comment.

“I’m going to kill you. But thank you,” Nadine agreed as Daisy and the Secretary helped her up from the chair.

“Daisy, make sure she cooperates. And, for goodness sake, take her purse. But don’t give her her cell-phone. I actually have to get something done, and twenty angry text messages is not going to help.” The Secretary stared at Nadine. “Call me when you find out what’s going on, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”


	5. Soaring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slightly later flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have to apologize. I had a pretty hectic week, and had barely any time to write. For future reference, updates to this story are much more likely to come on the weekends! Anyway, I've been working on this chapter here and there for the past five days, so enjoy!
> 
> As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.

May 28, 1986

It had been quite the year for Nadine. Between recovering from, well, from the incident in Russia, moving home, and finding some sort of job to help her make ends meet, at least for the time being, she was exhausted.  _ Oh, and then there was the whole baby thing… _

Roman had been born in April, about a month early. He was the light in the dark world Nadine was living in. Roman was perfect. His dark hair matched her own, and his blue eyes would light up as he giggled, which he did quite often. Even as a newborn, he had quickly developed quite the personality, and kept Nadine on her toes at all times. Well, on her toes as much as she could be, given the situation. She had been couch or bed-bound since the incident in Russia, which was driving her crazy. She couldn’t remember smiling about anything not Roman-related in the last six months. But that was about to change.

She had informed Clarence that she would be returning to dance that day. He was concerned, and rightfully so. She had had multiple surgeries on her right ankle in the last months, all trying to reconstruct the bones and repair the muscles. It was a tedious process, one that had taken far too long, in Nadine’s opinion. She couldn’t stand being stuck in bed or on the couch for weeks on end, with nothing to do other than read and write. Once Roman was born, she had at least had someone interesting to interact with.  _ I mean, he can’t really respond, but he’s a pretty good listener! _

She had had her last surgery near the beginning of May. She had been told to avoid putting weight on the ankle for at least three weeks, and she complied. Exactly three weeks after the surgery, she arrived at dance practice, Roman in tow.

The troupe had changed since Nadine had been put out of commission. Besides the obvious absence of Charlie (who was in prison somewhere in Russia; Nadine didn’t have the faintest idea where…), one other woman had left, and two dancers had replaced them. They were green, and Nadine could tell the moment she walked into the studio.  _ I hope they’re more reliable than they look… _

Clarence and Angie had run over to her the moment she walked in, hopefully not noticing the slight limp she walked with. Of course, the entire troupe had met Roman by that point, but he never ceased to be adorable. Nadine couldn’t blame them. She didn’t want to take her eyes off her son for a moment, ever, but she sighed, knowing it was necessary. While her friends cooed over the baby, she took off her sweater and pulled her black curls into a french twist, pinning it close to her head.

The troupe was blocking all new dances for the season, and Nadine was quickly brought up to speed. There was only one new element in the entire program: a lift with a pirouette throw. Before even being told, Nadine knew she would be the one in the air. She always was, being the lightest and most petite in the group by a long shot. Her dance troupe was rather well known for their use of acrobatic elements in their routines, so the new feat was no surprise to Nadine.

They decided to conquer the new element first, seeing as that after they had all of the elements down, they could complete the dances. Nadine walked, attempting to cover her limp, over to the two men who would be throwing her in the air. One was Clarence. He was strong, and she would trust him with her life, so her only concern was the new member who would be the second “catcher”. She eyed Clarence, who gave her a reassuring nod, and she let them hoist her onto their shoulders. 

For the element to succeed, she would jump off the men’s shoulders, where they would catch her by feet, throw her straight up into the air; she would spin, and land in their arms, flipping off onto the ground.  _ Simple, right? _ Nadine laughed. For anyone else, the lift would be daunting and terrifying, but not for her. She was used to the feeling of free-flying. She loved it, even. 

“Hup!” Clarence’s words were Nadine’s signal to jump, and she did just that. The men grabbed her feet, threw her in the air, and she turned with the grace of a dancer.  _ Well, I am a dancer, so I guess there’s no surprise there… _ As she landed in their arms, she did a quick flip out onto the dance floor, landing on her feet. Turning around, she saw Angie beaming in her direction, and she allowed herself a small smile. She was back.

They practiced the element many more times that day. Every time, they performed it flawlessly and landed safely on the ground, no worse for wear. Every time, that is, until the seventh time they attempted the feat.

“Hup!” Everything was going perfectly fine, until the pirouette in the air. Nadine realized that she was spinning the opposite direction that she was supposed to, and while the majority of the time it would not be a problem, in this element, it was. It would mean that the men below her would have to switch positions to catch her. If both men were experienced catchers, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but as she looked down, she could see the newest catcher frozen in place. She was powerless as she plunged to the ground, landing on her feet much too hard.

Nadine let out a scream, and all who were in the room rushed towards her. She could hear Roman crying from the side of the room, but she couldn’t make out any other sound. Oh, how she wanted to go comfort her crying son, but she herself was crying, and pain was radiating from the ankle she had crushed previously. Angie’s voice broke through the wall that seemed to be stuck in her ears.

“Nadine, where does it hurt?” she asked, nervously checking over Nadine’s head and back.

“My… my ankle,” Nadine responded through gritted teeth, trying to stop the wracking sobs that threatened to burst out at any moment. 

Angie’s eyes finally landed on Nadine’s ankle, and she let out a little scream before she could cover it up. Nadine looked towards her ankle, and felt the blood rush from her head. It was bent to the left, obviously broken, and two screws had punctured the skin.

“Someone call 911!” she heard Clarence shout, his voice ringing in her ears.

“Roman… I need to get to Roman,” she sputtered out, struggling to get up, and held down by Angie, who put her arms around Nadine.

“We’ll look out for Roman. You need to look out for yourself,” Angie soothed, trying to calm Nadine down. 

“I… I… it hurts,” Nadine stammered, searching for words as pain pulsed through her leg.

“Ambulance will be here in a couple minutes, Nadine,” Clarence reassured her, putting his arm around her to help her sit up. Angie stroked her hair, which probably calmed her more than anything.  _ My mother used to stroke my hair like that… _

The ambulance arrived, and whisked her off to the hospital, Angie and Clarence riding along. Roman had been given to one of the other women on the troupe, and Nadine hoped to God that he wouldn’t remember anything about that day. Her foot hurt like the devil, and she was pretty sure she had hit her head during her fall, as she had a headache like no other.  _ Well, maybe not as bad as the headache I woke up with after… _

She was semi-conscious as she was rushed inside the hospital, only vaguely aware of the doctors surrounding her, and one of them mentioning how messed up her ankle was.

“Ma’am!” A man’s face hovered over hers, and their eyes met. “Ma’am, we’re going to need to take you up for surgery. Is there anyone else we should call?”

“The only people who care about me rode along,” she managed to say with surprising clarity, given the waves of pain she was enduring.

“Okay, then, we’ll get going,” he said, putting a mask over Nadine’s face. She only had a few seconds to wonder what the mask was for, before she was suddenly incredibly groggy, and fell into a deep sleep.


	6. Daisy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The car ride and subsequent ER visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter in about three pieces at three different times, so I hope they fit together in some way, shape, or form. I am so glad that people are engaged in this story; it makes my day to get comments from you guys! I'm not sure if I need to restate this or not, but I obviously don't own Madam Secretary or any of its characters. Seriously, people, I'm not rich! Anyway, with that out of the way, enjoy this chapter!
> 
> As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! I love reading your comments!

“You really don’t have to come,” Nadine reminded Daisy on the way to the hospital. The Secretary had insisted that the women take her car, so they were sitting in the surprisingly comfortable seats in the back of the black suburban.

“Nonsense, I want to come,” Daisy replied. She paused for a moment. “Does it still hurt?”

“What?” Nadine was confused for a moment, before realizing what Daisy was talking about. “Oh, my ankle? Not… not too badly.”

“You’re lying,” Daisy stated. Nadine glared at her, but she just shrugged. “What? I can see it in your eyes. You are a terrible liar.”

“I can lie when I want to!” Nadine defended herself. “And besides, you’re worse!”

“You’re not wrong… even the secretary has informed me that I should never go into clandestine service.” Daisy laughed, and Nadine joined her. It felt good to laugh. Their laughter slowly faded, replaced by a peaceful silence.

“Nadine?”

“Yes?”

“What happened?” Daisy looked concerned. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I get it. But it seems like this ankle pain is connected to some pretty bad memories…”

“You’re not wrong, I don’t tend to dwell on those memories,” Nadine nodded, and looked straight at Daisy. “I was in a dance troupe when I was younger.  _ Much  _ younger.”

“You were?” Daisy seemed shocked, and it made Nadine smile.

“Yes. The secretary knows about my past, as does Matt.”

“Wait, Matt knew you were in a dance troupe and I didn’t?”

“We had a conversation a while back,” Nadine filled Daisy in, chuckling as she remembered the terrified look on his face when she invited him to stay the night at her place. It was right after the dirty bomb went off, and he was scared to go home. He hadn’t been able to find a place to stay, and she offered him a place to stay the night. Nothing more had happened, but it wasn’t like they had felt the need to broadcast that they had spent the night in the same apartment.

“Anyway, I was… involved with a man in the troupe. I became pregnant while we were on tour in Europe. I told him while we were staying in Russia, and, well, he didn’t take it well…”

“What did he do?” Daisy asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

“He pushed me off the side of an old outdoor staircase, onto the sidewalk.” At Daisy’s shell shocked look, Nadine added, “It was only a floor up.”

“Nadine…”

“It wasn’t that big of a deal. I had a few broken ribs, a major concussion, and a wrecked ankle.”

“Nadine, I think that qualifies as a big deal!” Daisy’s eyes were wide.

“I would have been perfectly fine, except that I couldn’t stand being benched, so I went back to dance a bit earlier than I should have. I fell, and that was that.” Nadine gestured to her ankle, which she had propped up on the seat opposite her.

“Is your ankle the only residual effect? I mean, it just seems that with a major concussion and…”

“I get headaches and backaches sometimes,” Nadine said, cutting off Daisy.  _ Pretty much every few days… _

“What did you do after you fell?”

“Well, I went to law school, and started getting government jobs. That’s how I met Vincent, and we all know how that turned out…” Nadine trailed off.

“Yeah, you became the best chief of staff the State Department has ever seen!” Daisy filled in, making Nadine laugh.

“Ladies,” a Diplomatic Security agent popped his head back to speak to them, “we’ll be at the hospital in less than a minute.” He closed the window between the front of the vehicle and the back.

“You gonna be able to walk inside?” Daisy inquired.

“Honestly, I doubt it,” Nadine replied, slightly embarrassed.

“Nadine, it’s fine. There’s a reason we’re at the hospital to begin with!”

As the car pulled up to the ER entrance, Daisy helped Nadine out of the back seat and into the hospital. Daisy saw Nadine grimace at every step, but there was no way that she was going to let anyone carry her, so they pressed on, and entered the quiet ER.

“Hi,” Daisy greeted the woman at the desk. “Can someone look at my friend’s ankle? She’s in a lot of pain.”

“Of course,” the receptionist replied. “What is your name?” she asked Nadine.

“Nadine… Nadine Tolliver…” Nadine answered between gasps of pain.

“And your’s ma’am?” the woman asked Daisy.

“Daisy Grant,” she answered.

“Have I seen you before?” the woman at the desk inquired. “You look familiar…”

“I’m Secretary of State Elizabeth McCord’s press coordinator. This is her chief of staff.” Daisy gestured towards Nadine, unashamed of name-dropping in order to get better service. Nadine smiled slightly, the best she could manage through the pain in her ankle.

“OK, go right over to that bed, and a doctor will be with you in a minute.”

Daisy helped Nadine to the bed, where Nadine finally felt a bit of relief from the stabbing pain in her ankle. They hadn’t been there more than thirty seconds when a doctor appeared from the hallway.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Morgan. How can I help you?”

* * *

  
Three hours later, it dawned on Nadine to call the Secretary. She dialed the number, and the call was picked up almost immediately.

“Nadine? What’s going on?” the Secretary asked, her voice full of concern.

“Um… an old injury is flaring up, and an x-ray revealed that one of the four pins in my ankle has broken, and the ends are scraping against different things in my ankle. Anyway, I guess I’m going to need a couple days off. They want to do surgery tomorrow morning, and I won’t be able to come back to the office for a few weeks after…”

“Hold on. You have four pins in your ankle?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“How bad was this injury?”

Nadine paused for a moment. “Well, it was rather severe, I suppose. It was over thirty years ago.”

“Okay, we are definitely going to circle back to this at another time, preferably one where you can’t hang up on me whenever you want and aren’t in an extreme amount of pain. But for now, yes, of course you can have time off. Are you alright?” Secretary McCord had this gift of mixing humor and genuine concern in one fell swoop, and it made Nadine chuckle.

“I will be, ma’am,” Nadine responded, fighting a scream as pain once again shot up from her foot.

“And Nadine?” the Secretary continued. “Something tells me the doctor did  _ not _ say you could go back to work a couple days after surgery, so I’m just going to assume you won’t be back in the next week. Am I correct?”

Nadine sighed. There was no use trying to fool Elizabeth McCord. She was ex-CIA for pity’s sake. Nadine didn’t want to stay at home after she had her ankle taken care of, but she knew that Elizabeth McCord would put her on house arrest before she would let Nadine come back to work too soon.

“I suppose you are, ma’am,” she said curtly, and she heard the woman laugh on the other end of the phone.

“Okay, you get some rest. Surgery will really take it out of you, so get sleep now. Have a good night, Nadine.”

“Thank you, Madam Secretary.” Nadine smiled as she hung up the phone. She had to admit, as she lay in a hospital bed with one of her coworkers sitting in a chair next to her, that she had a pretty awesome job, and a pretty awesome boss.


	7. Wrecked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night before Nadine's surgery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! It's been quite the week, and I've had to work almost constantly, so this chapter has been in the works for about five days. Honestly, writing these stories has kept me sane the past week, and I love seeing your comments! 
> 
> And again, though I was working a lot this week, I have still not earned enough money to buy Madam Secretary, so it is in no way my property! (Wow, I have way too much fun thinking of ways to write that each time!)
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated!!!

It had taken Nadine ages to fall asleep. Long-suppressed memories of that long-ago fall swam around in her mind, making her jump just as she was about to drift off to sleep. Being in a hospital didn’t help; Nadine had never liked hospitals, but ever since that day in Russia, she couldn’t stand them.

Daisy sat by the bed all night, working on her iPad at some times, and reading at other times. Every time Nadine would jump from a memory, Daisy would gently place her hand on Nadine’s arm, and it helped calm Nadine down. Nadine was embarrassed beyond belief that she needed help calming down, but she was glad for the relief. She really, really didn’t want to be alone at that moment.

The memories didn’t stop, though. They flashed through her mind like they had happened yesterday. She remembered the push, the fall, the pain. The look on Angie’s face as Charlie had pushed her off the steps; the terror in the moment she wondered if her baby was dead. Waking up in the hospital. The terrified faces of Clarence and Angie the second time she had fallen. Being rushed to the hospital with pins sticking out of her ankle. Being told she would never dance again.

* * *

_ May 29, 1986 _

It was a familiar feeling at this point, waking up from surgery. It was, what, the sixth time? She had lost count. Her eyelids, heavy as ever, didn’t want to open, but as memories rushed back to her brain, she felt the need to see what was going on. Fighting the heaviness, she managed to pry her left eye open, taking in the familiar hospital room. Her eyes fell to her right ankle, now in a plaster cast.  _ Crap _ . 

She watched as a nurse she recognized walked into the room, closing the door behind her. “So, how are you feeling, Ms. Tolliver?” she asked.

“Nancy, I’ve been in this hospital five times now. You’ve been on my case every time. I think you can call me Nadine.”

“Fine, Nadine, how are you feeling?”

Nadine could have laughed at the tone of Nancy’s voice. “Like I’ve been hit by a truck…”

“Yeah, well, a healing spinal injury plus a crushed ankle will do that to you.” Nancy walked closer to Nadine’s bedside, and fake whispering, said, “You really thought that going back to dance three weeks after ankle surgery was a good idea?”

“No, but going stir-crazy didn’t seem like a great option either,” Nadine responded, smirking.

Nancy laughed out loud. “That is a horrible excuse, Nadine! Anyway, I’m going to get Dr. Moller. Stay put!”

“I’m not sure I could get up if I wanted to…” Nadine called out as Nancy left the small hospital room, returning minutes later with a doctor.

“Welcome back, Ms. Tolliver,” Dr. Moller teased, a smile playing at his lips.

“Gee, thanks… and it’s Nadine to you,” she corrected him.

“Well, Nadine,” Dr. Moller said much more seriously, “I was really hoping we wouldn’t see each other again for a while.”

“I certainly wouldn’t have minded that either,” she agreed, laughing.

“Nadine, there’s something we need to talk about.” The gravity of his voice frightened her. What if she needed more surgeries? What if she had to wait to dance again?

“What’s going on?” she asked softly.

“Nadine, this last fall, well,” he shook his head, “it really messed up your ankle. More than it was already messed up. Several bones were knocked back out of alignment, two of the pins ripped muscles… it’s not good.”

“So what are you saying?” she asked, her voice tight and urgent.

“I’m saying that while I think I can get you back to walking, dancing is out of the picture.” Dr. Moller sighed. “You won’t be able to return to dancing.”

* * *

Nadine felt herself jump yet again. She had finally fallen asleep, and was completely disoriented when she woke up. She felt Daisy’s hand on her shoulder, and she reached up and grasped it. Her eyes met Daisy’s, and Daisy simply stroked her hand for a while.

“Nadine, are you okay?” Daisy finally asked.

It was a loaded question. Was she okay? Well, her ankle certainly wasn’t “okay”. She had a monster of a headache, and her back really didn’t like the position she had been lying in, so she was overwhelmed with pain. She really didn’t have a very high pain tolerance; she just hid her pain well.

However, Nadine guessed that Daisy wasn’t inquiring about her physical status; Daisy had already been filled in. No, Daisy was wondering why Nadine kept jumping. Why she couldn’t sleep, why she was grasping Daisy’s hand for dear life at the moment. She struggled to formulate an answer.

“I… I will be,” she said through clenched teeth. She had shifted a bit to relieve the pressure on her back, and her ankle had twisted slightly. It hurt like the devil on steroids.

“Nadine…!” Daisy mildly scolded her, standing up. “We talked about this! You are a terrible liar!”

Nadine would have laughed at any other time, but she was preoccupied trying to stop the tears behind her eyes from falling. The whole day had just been a bit much.  _ Well, that’s the understatement of the year… _

She managed to cover the sobbing that threatened to tear through her chest, all but one gasp. Daisy looked up.

“Nadine, you are not okay,” she simply stated. She moved and sat herself on the edge of the bed Nadine was sitting up in. One arm around her, Daisy began to stroke her fingers through Nadine’s black curls, which brought an onslaught of tears from Nadine. 

Nadine could tell that Daisy was a bit shocked to see her crying. She never cried; she was a master at hiding emotions. Quite frankly, Nadine herself was shocked at her own tears. But they didn’t stop. Nadine had no idea how long they sat there like that, but it had to have been close to morning when she finally let go of Daisy.


	8. Aftershock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nadine wakes up from surgery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I've been going through a lot this last week, as well as just being plain busy. I wrote this chapter in one go, so it's probably kind of a mess, but I really wanted to get something out tonight. 
> 
> I could really, really use feedback on this! Your comments make my day (and week)!

“Nadine? Come on, Nadine, time to wake up.” Waking up from surgery was nothing new for Nadine. Of course, it had been almost twenty-five years since her last operation, but it was still a familiar feeling. The fuzziness in her brain, the throbbing pain radiating from, well, everywhere in her body. She had discovered somewhere around surgery number eight that her body and general anesthesia did not mix well together.

That voice. She knew that voice.  _ Who is it? _ She could hear the voice saying something else. She couldn’t make out the voice, but she certainly knew who it was.

“Ma’am?” Nadine’s throat was dry as the desert, and she spoke before she had even opened her eyes. As she opened them, the light made her head throb even more. Her head was spinning, and she reached up a hand to block her eyes from the bright light overhead. She heard the person jump up, and the light became progressively dimmer, until Nadine could bear to expose her eyes to the room.

“Ma’am, what are you doing here?” Nadine asked, still rather groggy.

“Well,” the Secretary began, taking her place in the chair beside the bed once more, “I practically had to force Daisy to go home. She never left this room, even after you went into the OR. Blake finally texted me, and I got over here as fast as I could.” Seeing the confused look on Nadine’s face, Secretary McCord added,“Blake came in about an hour after you went under. He’s still out there, by the way.”

“Don’t you… don’t you have better things to do, Madam Secretary,” Nadine inquired, baffled as to why the person in charge of the US’s forign policy was spending her time by some who-knows-who’s bedside.

“For the record, I do not. And it’s Elizabeth to you,” the Secretary declared, smiling brightly.

“I’m not sure that’s appropriate, ma’am…” Nadine responded tentatively.

“And I’m not sure I care, so deal with it. Besides, I get tired of not hearing my own name for hours on end, anyway. So, you’d be doing me a favor.”

Nadine sighed. “Yes, ma’am… I mean, Elizabeth.”

“See, that wasn’t so hard!” Elizabeth’s expression grew a bit more solemn. “So, how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, ma’am,” Nadine responded, earning a pointed look from Elizabeth.

“Come on, Nadine. I’m ex-CIA! Plus, you are a terrible liar.”

“Yeah, apparently that’s the consensus in the office. Daisy told me the exact same thing.” Nadine laughed, then grimaced from the pain of laughing.

“So tell me the truth. How are you feeling?”

“Like I got run over by a train.”

That comment earned a laugh from Elizabeth. “Yeah, surgery will do that to you. What’s up with your head? I saw the light was bothering it.”

“Oh, I discovered a very long time ago that general anesthesia and I do not agree. I always wake up with a pounding headache after going under.”

“So… are you going to tell me why you needed this surgery to begin with, or am I going to have to CIA mind-trick you into telling me that, too?” Elizabeth’s eyes sparkled. Nadine could tell that if she didn’t want to tell Elizabeth what had happened, Elizabeth wouldn’t pry too much. But she could also tell that Elizabeth genuinely cared. 

“It’s… it’s a long story, ma’am,” Nadine warned her, ignoring Elizabeth’s recurring glare every time Nadine called her “ma’am”.

“Well, I’ve got all day!” Elizabeth leaned back in the chair she was sitting in, kicking off her heels. Nadine smiled. She had quite the boss.

* * *

Elizabeth’s face was full of concern, and a bit of shock, by the end of Nadine’s retelling of how she had ended up with four screws in her ankle. 

“Ma’am… Elizabeth, I’m fine. I always have been.”

“Nadine, how the heck did you keep this hidden from… from all of us?” Elizabeth seemed confused, and Nadine couldn’t blame her.

“I’ve had lots of practice. I couldn’t seem weak in law school, I had to hide it while I climbed up as a legal assistant. Even Vincent didn’t know about this. I… I suppose at that point, it was just plain embarrassing. The injury is nearly thirty years old. It shouldn’t be bothering me at this point, so I just bear with it.”

“You know you never needed to hide it in the office, right?” 

“With all due respect, Elizabeth, you don’t survive in Washington if you seem weak. If… if people knew about this, they wouldn’t respect, wouldn’t fear me.” Nadine smirked. “Hey, it worked on you!”

“Excuse me?” Elizabeth feigned affront. “I was  _ never  _ afraid of you!”

“Ma’am, I have no idea how you made it in the CIA. You weren’t very covert in your fear of me, at least not in the beginning.” The women laughed together, Nadine trying to cover the pain that the motion caused her head.

“Okay, Nadine, you need to rest, and I probably  _ should  _ get something done today. You good on your own?” Elizabeth inquired. 

“I… I will be, ma’am.”

“Elizabeth,” Elizabeth gently corrected.

“I will be, Elizabeth.”

“Good. Call if you need anything. Besides, I don’t think Blake will be dragged out of that waiting room until you’re discharged, so you could probably just yell if you’re really desperate.” Elizabeth smiled, walking out the door and closing it behind her.

Nadine lay in bed, thoughts rushing through her head. The last couple days had brought back some very painful memories. She tended to block out the memories of Charlie, of the months after the fall. Those memories fared better pushed into the dark recesses of the attic of her brain. She realized that, by pushing away those memories, she had also blocked out the few bright spots in those months. All of those first moments with Roman. He had been such a wonderful baby, but she had been so preoccupied with self-pity during that time that she had hardly stopped and just enjoyed her son. It was one of her many regrets.

Another was the loss of some of her closest friends. After her second fall, she had sort of pushed Angie and Clarence out of her life. She had been too upset, too broken, in her mind. They had only tried to help, but she had shut them out. Eventually, they had stopped trying. She thought back. Come to think of it, she hadn’t had any contact with them in over five years, the last time only to let them know that Roman had moved out of the country. 

As for Charlie? Well, she knew he had gotten out of prison many years ago, his charge only being attempted murder, and in a Russian court, no less. She worried about where he was now. She hoped he had no idea where Roman was; he had no right to know his son. She selfishly hoped that he had no idea where she was, either, but that was unlikely. She was on TV and in the news often enough, she would be hard to miss for someone who had known her in the past. The thought sent shivers down her already-aching spine. 

Nadine had no idea when she would be getting out of the hospital this time, but she guessed it would be at least a day. It always was. Grabbing her cell phone from where it sat on the side table, she looked through her contacts, searching for and finding the names she was looking for.

_ To: Angie Milton; Clarence Paulson; _

_ From: Nadine Tolliver _

_ Message: Hi, it’s Nadine. I know we haven’t talked in, well, forever. I guess that is my fault, and I am truly sorry. Anyway, I had to have another operation on my ankle this morning. It went fine, as far as I know. I don’t know if you care or not. I know it’s selfish to ask, but I could really use someone to talk to right now.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave feedback!


	9. Falling Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole staff sits in Nadine's room the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! It's been a very stressful couple of weeks, and I was a little preoccupied with work. I know this is pretty short, but enjoy anyway!
> 
> Even though it has been TWO weeks, I still have not acquired the rights to Madam Secretary, so I still do not own Madam Secretary or any of its characters.
> 
> Please, please, please leave a comment! They make my day!

“Nadine, you are not going home on your own!” Elizabeth exclaimed after the rest of the staff had filled her in on the conversation that was taking place. They were all sitting in Nadine’s hospital room, having pulled chairs from who knows where, and settled down around the bed. Nadine leaned back on a pile of pillows that Elizabeth had insisted on providing. She had complained at the time, but they were actually coming in quite handy.

“I will be perfectly fine, ma’am,” Nadine responded firmly, emphasizing her use of the word  _ ma’am _ .

“I don’t doubt it. But it’s still ridiculous to insist on being alone when you have people around!” 

“Yes, people who all have lives. I cannot interfere with their lives so that they can help me with things I am perfectly capable of doing on my own.” Nadine was slightly irritated, but was not about to yell at her boss.

“Nadine, out of all of the people in this room, I’m the only one with an intact family, and only two of us have children. Well, children at home, I mean. Besides, I keep you ungodly hours at the Truman Building, so it’s not like any of you can really maintain a personal life…” Elizabeth trailed off, and Nadine smirked. The woman wasn’t wrong. As far as she knew, none of the people in the room, save Elizabeth, had dated outside of the government in the last year, and their nights off were next to none. But still…

“It’s still entirely unprofessional, not to mention unrealistic. Nobody could logistically stay at my place for any length of time.”

“I could!” Daisy called out.

“See?” Elizabeth asked smugly.

“That is incredibly unnecessary. I can manage alone.” Nadine tried again.

“But here’s the thing: you aren’t alone this time,” Daisy pointed out, and everyone else in the room nodded. They had been filled in earlier. Nadine sighed.

“I’d still feel more comfortable if you went on with your lives as normal.”

“Too bad,” Elizabeth stated.

“And besides,” Daisy added, “the office won’t be normal for a few weeks anyway.” That earned a smile from Nadine, who finally nodded.

“Fine. But if you ever decide that…”

“Nadine, it’s fine. I’m glad to be helpful!” Daisy reassured her.

“So,” Matt broke into the conversation, “when will you be discharged?”

“The doctor said later this afternoon, most likely,” Nadine informed him. “I told him that I could go home last night, but…”

“Nadine, last night you could hardly move without pain. I can’t say I blame him!” Elizabeth exclaimed. Nadine let out a small groan.

“Don’t remind me…” she complained.

“Okay, I’m gonna go pack up some clothes, and I’ll be back by noon, alright?” Daisy asked.

“Yes, that’s fine Daisy, if not completely unnecessary.”

“Okay, you’re not going to convince us, so I’d suggest you stop trying,” Elizabeth advised her, and Nadine huffed.

“Whatever.” Nadine crossed her arms, which made the room burst into laughter as Daisy excused herself and closed the door behind her.

“Okay, now I feel bad,” Nadine commented.

“Oh, don’t,” Jay broke in. “I think she’s glad to be able to do something. She was freaking out about how she should have noticed sooner. That one,” he added, pointing at Elizabeth, “wasn’t much better. She spent the entire time you were in surgery pacing the office, until Blake finally gave up and dragged her here…” The whole group burst into laughter at their boss’s expense.

“Hey! You guys are ones to talk! I’ve been told that a certain group of people camped out in the conference room while I was in Iran!” Elizabeth exclaimed.

“We thought you were dead!” Blake pointed out, chuckling.

“And your point is…?” Elizabeth continued.

“I was having minor surgery, ma’am, not missing in a country that was going up in flames. The two situations are completely incomparable!” Nadine explained, though she couldn’t hold back a smile.

“Fine, whatever. And, for the record, your surgery does not count as minor!”

“Comparatively, ma’am?” Nadine said hesitantly. “This was a walk in the park.”

“Well, you just focus on recovering. We need you back at the office. You’ve been gone less than twenty four hours, and I don’t think Blake likes covering for you. He’s almost gone into full-blown panic like, what, three times?” They all chuckled. Blake broke into a cold sweat, and Nadine placed her hand on his knee. 

“Hey, only three weeks more. That is, unless this boss of ours decides to be reasonable and let me come back sooner.” Both Nadine and Blake looked hopefully at Elizabeth, who smirked.

“Not a chance, you two!” Elizabeth called out, reaching into her coat pocket to answer her buzzing phone.

“Hello? Okay, you have the intel? I’m kind of busy right now… Fine, I’ll be there soon.” She hung up. “Guys, we have to get back. Interpol finally came through on the identity of that French terrorist leader.” Elizabeth looked apologetically towards Nadine. “Sorry, I wish we could stay longer…”

“No, it’s fine. Duty calls. Just… would somebody please keep me posted? I know I’m not supposed to be working, but I’m going to go crazy if…”

“I’ll have Blake or Daisy keep you updated. But no actual work, okay?” Elizabeth gave Nadine the same look that Nadine had seen her give to pesky and unruly diplomats.

“Yes, ma’am.” The group filed out of the room, leaving her on her own for the first time since this had all started. The silence didn’t last, however. She heard her own phone buzz from the bedside table, and picked it up. She had a new text message.

_ To: Nadine Tolliver _

_ From: Angie Milton _

_ Message: I’m in DC this weekend. If you’re up for a visitor, just text. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated!!!


	10. Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At home, Nadine overhears a conversation between the members of the staff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know it's been forever since I've updated this... COVID is starting to really become a problem in my area, and people I know are starting to get it. It has made these past couple weeks really hard. Oh, and I was sick this past weekend, and actually got tested this afternoon. REALLY hoping I don't have it.  
> This is defiantly not my best writing. I just really needed to get an update out on this story, so bare with me.  
> Surprisingly, I still have not acquired the rights to Madam Secretary or any of its characters, so I own nothing here. I'm just having fun!  
> Please leave a comment at the end! Your comments make my day!

Nadine reached over the side of her bed, grabbing her crutches. She hated using crutches, but they were certainly better than a wheelchair. She had needed one of those a couple of times after different surgeries, and she had hated it every time. It was nearly impossible to be independent in a wheelchair; she could manage on her own using crutches.

Not that she had to this time. Ever since she had gotten home the night before, Daisy had been waiting on her hand and foot. She had hardly had to get out of bed in the last sixteen hours, but now, she was determined to make herself useful. Or at least not useless.

She slowly made her way out of her bedroom and down the hallway to the living room. For once, she was extremely grateful that she lived in a relatively small, one-story condo. It made moving much easier. Her hair, which had not been brushed since the night before, fell into her face, and she strategically blew the strands away from her forehead.

She could hear Daisy’s voice coming from the dining room table. Judging from the voices on the other end of the chat, she could tell that a work meeting was taking place, and she slowly moved towards the space.

Daisy’s back was to Nadine, but crutches are not at all quiet, so Daisy’s head turned the moment Nadine entered the room.

“Hey, you’re up!” she called out. “You need anything?”

“To get out of my room, yes.” Nadine smirked at Daisy, carefully sitting down on one of the sturdy dining room chairs.

“Hey, Nadine!” Elizabeth’s voice came from the screen, and Nadine gave a short nod.

“Good morning, ma’am,” she answered, giving into a small grin as the rest of the staff excitedly waved their greetings.

“How are you doing this morning?” Nadine heard Elizabeth ask, as Daisy turned to stare at her.

“I’ve been better, but it’s not as bad as yesterday, ma’am.” Nadine quickly answered her boss.

“She refuses to take her pain meds, ma’am!” Daisy quipped, earning a chuckle from the staff. None of them were all too surprised.

“Nadine, they give you those for a reason!” Elizabeth chided.

“I don’t need them, ma’am. And besides, this conversation is hardly relevant. What’s going on there?” Nadine inquired.

“Nadine…” Elizabeth drew out her name. “ _ You  _ are on medical leave for at least the next week.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to be boxed out of every conversation.!”

“I am well aware of that. But if you get involved, you will never  _ stop _ working, and I might not have it in me to stop you, so scram!” Elizabeth jokingly exclaimed.

“You do realize that quote on quote ‘scramming’ is next to impossible, right?” Nadine joked as she struggled to get up from the chair. Though she would never admit it, her back, along with her ankle, was killing her this morning. It felt like hot needles were being stuck into her skin whenever she moved, and standing was not an easy task.

Daisy noticed her struggle. “Hey, I have to go grab something from my bag,” she quickly said to the staff, then muted the microphone and stopped the camera. “Here.” Nadine let Daisy help her out of the chair, and simply nodded a thanks when Daisy handed her her crutches.

“Thank you, Daisy.”

“Yeah, no problem. I just figured that you wouldn’t want the entire staff to see you needing help.” Daisy shrugged, sitting back down in front of the computer. “You good from here?”

“I should be. I need to grab some breakfast from the fridge, but then I’ll go back to my room.”

“I made french toast!” Daisy called over her shoulder.

“You cook?” Nadine asked before she could stop herself. It earned a laugh from Daisy.

“I can handle breakfast. You’re screwed if you want anything else,” Daisy explained with a smile. “But I am very skilled at ordering take-out!”

“Yes, I am very aware of that, Daisy. You do it just about every night!” They laughed together for a short while, before Daisy put up her hand.

“Okay, I think I’ve been off this call for  _ way _ too long to be believable. If you need anything…”

“I’ll be fine, Daisy! Get back to work!” Nadine exclaimed. “I may be on medical leave, but I’m still your boss!”

“Fine, whatever. Be careful!” Daisy called out, turning on her microphone before Nadine had a change to respond. 

“Hmph…” Nadine huffed, slowly working her way to the refrigerator, and grabbing the plate of french toast that had been kindly placed on the middle shelf, easy to reach.

It was quite the balancing act to carry the plate from the fridge to the microwave, but she managed to complete the task by utilizing her impressive balance, a skill she had held onto from her years as a dancer. As soon as the food was heated through, she carefully carried it to the kitchen island, and settled herself on the stool. As she sat, she inconspicuously listened in on the conversation going on in her dining room. She could only hear Daisy’s voice clearly, however.

“No, ma’am, I haven't heard anything from him since last week.” Daisy paused.

“Well, yeah, normally I’m not the one communicating with him! It’s the chief of staff’s job!” Another, longer pause. Nadine could definitely hear Jay and Elizabeth’s raised voices.

“Fine, I’ll try, but I can’t guarantee anything. He doesn’t seem to like me.” Nadine could hear Daisy shift uncomfortably.

“Yeah, I’ve fielded like twenty calls on the subject, but nobody seems to know.” Another pause.

“Okay, I’ll look into it. Anything else?” Nadine could tell the subject had switched.

“Ma’am, I’m not your personal spy! Ask her yourself!” Nadine was confused, and wished she could hear the other end of the conversation.

“Think about who we’re talking about here! You’re her boss; you can force answers out of her if you want.” Yeah, they were definitely talking about her. She hoped Daisy didn’t realize she was listening to the conversation. 

“No! And just so you know, I think she’s listening to my side of the conversation, and has probably figured out that we are talking about her, so I would advise ending this conversation.”

_ Drat. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	11. Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nadine reconnects with a friend from her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I say this in pretty much every chapter, but I am so sorry it's been so long since I updated! Life has become hectic, to say the least, and I wasn't even home for part of the past week. Oh, and my laptop's touch pad stopped working, which I have no idea how to fix, and I couldn't use my laptop until I acquired a mouse... Anyway, I hope you enjoy this slightly longer chapter! I promise we'll get back to the full-blown staff dynamic soon, but I wanted to get this in before Nadine returns to work.  
> As always, I don't own Madam Secretary or any of its characters. I am broke, so I don't think that would be at all possible!  
> Please leave a comment! I need your guy's feedback, and your comments make my day!

“And you’re sure you will be fine here for a few hours?” Daisy asked again. Nadine appreciated the sentiment, but the idea that she couldn’t take care of herself for a few hours… it was laughable, to say the least.

“I’ve been doing it my whole life, Daisy. I’ll manage. Besides, I have a friend coming over, remember?” Nadine reassured her. “Go! It’s not even up to you, anyway. A press conference kind of requires a press secretary.”

“Fine, just… don’t do anything stupid, okay?” Daisy chided.

“I don’t need to be looked after…”

“Okay?”

Nadine sighed in resignation. “Yes, okay, I will be careful. Now don’t mess up our forign policy!”

“That’s not even my area of expertise…”

“Just go!”

Daisy grabbed her leather bag and slipped out the door, calling out, “See you later!”

Nadine hobbled around her apartment on her crutches, doing her best to straighten up the place before Angie arrived. In all honesty, she had no idea how this visit was going to go. She hadn’t talked to her former best friend in nearly a decade, and it had been even longer since they had met up. Roman had still been living with her at the time; he had driven to the restaurant on his learner’s permit.

Lifting objects off of the floor was no small task to maneuver on crutches, but she was a pro at navigating on the apparatuses. She had way too much experience. Replacing throw pillows that had been scattered to make a place for Daisy to work, she had the living room looking spic and span in no time. Well, it must have taken some time, because she had hardly finished the task when the doorbell rang.

“It’s unlocked!” she called out, hoping that Angie would take the signal and open the door. Angie got the message, and the door burst open.

“Sorry I didn’t open the door for you, I just…” Nadine was cut off by the feeling of her friend’s arms wrapping around her in a tight and warm embrace.

“Please,” Angie said as she held Nadine, “I wouldn’t have made you do that. I’m not a crazy person, as much as you may think I am.” Angie let go of Nadine, and her eyes traveled around the open area of the condo. “Nice place you’ve got here.”

“Yes, well, I…” Nadine stuttered, still catching her breath from the unexpected embrace and not quite sure how to respond.

“Nadine, are you alright?” She had to hand it to her former best friend; the woman got straight to the point. Unfortunately, the point was not something she was too keen on talking about.

“Well I’m here, aren’t I?” Nadine shot back, though not maliciously.

“I’m serious,” Angie countered, eyeing Nadine’s foot, wrapped in bulky bandages, and crutches.

“It was just a broken pin in my foot, Angie. No big deal,” Nadine tried to reassure her.

“And how long did you try to hide it this time?” Angie inquired, and Nadine groaned internally. It wasn’t the first time she had tried to hide that something was wrong with her ankle. Angie had done several times what Elizabeth had done a few days ago: forced her to take care of herself.

“Um… a few weeks?” Nadine mumbled.

“Nadine!”

“I was busy!” Nadine defended. “I didn’t have time to be off my game!”

“Yeah, well, look where you are now!” Angie wasn’t wrong. Nadine had been told by  _ several _ doctors that if she had come to the hospital when the pain had started, the damage to her ankle would have been far less severe, and she would have had a much shorter recovery period.

Nadine would have responded, but a spike of pain from her foot caused her to grimace before she could catch herself.

“You’re in pain,” Angie stated, and Nadine didn’t have it in her to downplay, simply nodding instead. “How ‘bout we sit down? My feet are tired from the walk here,” Angie suggested. Classic Angie. She knew exactly how to not make Nadine feel weak. Of course, Nadine knew exactly what she was doing, but she appreciated the gesture. She worked her way to the nearest couch, unapologetically claiming the entire piece of furniture. Angie instinctively grabbed the crutches, and Nadine thanked her. Nadine put her back to the left armrest, used her hands to help her swing her right ankle onto the cushion next to her, and brought her left leg up to meet it. She sat sideways on the couch, watching Angie plop down on a comfy chair next to her.

“So, I saw you in a press release awhile back. You work for Elizabeth McCord now?” Angie asked incredulously.

“Yeah, I’m her chief of staff,” Nadine casually replied.

“Didn’t you work for… what was his name? Vance? Victor?”

“Vincent Marsh. And yes, I worked for him for a little over six years.”

“That must have been the last time you called me, when you started working for him. He was a senator, right?”

“Umm… yes…” Nadine confirmed, very uncomfortable with the current topic of conversation.

“So, how’d you end up working for Elizabeth McCord?”

“Well, when Vincent… passed away, Secretary McCord took over only two months later. In a move that had all of us floored, she chose to keep all of Vincent’s old staff, including me.”

“Is it better? Working for Elizabeth McCord, I mean?” Angie asked innocently, unaware of just how big of a question she was asking. Nadine had hated working for Elizabeth at first. Elizabeth was nothing like Vincent. She didn’t follow rules that needed to be broken. She didn’t hide behind policy and ignore those the policy hurt. She had more integrity that any politician Nadine had ever met, maybe because she  _ wasn’t _ a politician. She was human. Nadine had been horrible to her in the beginning. She had hated her for the simple reason that Elizabeth was not Vincent. Nadine had thought that she would spend the rest of her life with that man, and Elizabeth had waltzed in just months after Vincent’s death, expecting her to do the same job in the same place for a different person. But… Elizabeth was better. Nadine had never  _ loved _ her job before, but now, she found herself excited to go to the Truman Building. She  _ loved _ her job. So yes, yes it was better.

“Yes,” Nadine said after a few seconds. “The Secretary is nothing like other politicians. She is better in every conceivable way. Of course, it makes my job harder when she ignores set protocol to do what’s right, but I would rather she do that than do the ethically wrong thing. She keeps me busy, that is for sure.”

“Is that why you stopped calling?” Angie suddenly inquired. “Did Vincent keep you that busy too?”

“Well… yes and no.” Nadine had known that she would have to explain the Vincent situation to Angie, but that hadn’t made her look forward to it any more. “You see, when I was working for Vincent… I was more than just an employee…”

Angie looked confused for a moment, and Nadine paused, but as Angie’s face dawned with the realization of what Nadine was saying, Nadine pressed on.

“I knew how wrong it was, Angie. Of course you know that the man was married. I… nobody knew, and I didn’t want to tell anybody. It eventually became easier to just not talk to people who would have one conversation with me and figure it out. People who knew me too well.”

Angie seemed slightly shocked, but recovered quickly. “Are you alright?” 

The question brought a sense of deja vu to Nadine. Elizabeth had asked basically the same question the night Nadine had told her about Vincent.

“What?”

“You loved him, and he died. Are you alright?”  
“I didn’t love him. Not really, anyway. I _thought_ I loved him, but it was all a lie. He used me, and he was planning on dropping me. Trust me, my biggest problem with him is not the fact that he died.”

“Okay… wow… I guess I can understand why you never called… I mean, I guess I can’t blame you…” Angie stuttered. 

“I really should have called…”

“Well, I’m glad you called now. You’re not on your own, are you?”

“Oh, no. My coworkers made sure of that. The Secretary’s press coordinator is staying here for a little while. I told her she didn’t have to, but she’s the closest thing I have to a daughter, and…” Nadine rambled, but was cut off.

“Nadine, I’m glad you’re not alone. The press coordinator… that’s Daisy Grant, right?”

“Yes… how’d you know that?”

“Please, you don’t think I watch the news every morning? Plus, with my business, I have to keep track of what’s going on internationally.”

“What are you doing now?” Nadine asked, ashamed that she didn’t know what had gone on in her friend’s life for the last decade.

“I’m the co-manager of a nonprofit that sets up arts programs in low-income areas across the world. We have to be aware of what is happening all the time, so we know when to be on the lookout for anti-American violence.”

“Makes sense,” Nadine concluded, before looking up at the clock. “Good grief, I totally forgot about lunch! I am a terrible hostess!”

“No, you are a woman who just had major surgery and invited a friend over. Do you mind if I dig through your fridge?” Angie asked, brushing off Nadine’s apology.

“Umm… go ahead. I’m sure Daisy left some sort of breakfast food in there, if you’re into breakfast for lunch.”

“Yeah, I’m good with that!”

Nadine and Angie talked for a good part of the day, catching up with each other to make up for the decade they had lost. It was close to five o’clock in the evening before Angie had to make her exit, bidding farewell to Nadine and promising to call more often, and leaving strict instructions to recover fully before going back to work. Instructions that Nadine had no intention of following, but she didn’t say that. 

Angie hadn’t been gone ten minutes when Daisy burst through the door, looking like she had been awake for days, even though she had only been at the office for a number of hours.

“Sorry, long day. Reporters are brutal. How was your day?” Daisy asked as she ran a brush through her long hair.

“Actually, it was pretty good!” Nadine smiled. Maybe something good had come out of this mess after all.


End file.
